Heart of the Home
As per usual, I have put off writing my editorial until nearly the last minute. I usually have thoughts percolating in my head for a while but it always takes some pressure to get my words on screen. Of course my attitude at home today was not one of my shining moments. For some reason I was irritated and harsh and had to ask all of my children for their forgiveness.
Now I must sit down and write encouragement to you all when I am again all too certain that I am the one who has none of the answers!
I am still digging out from under the winter piles. These little heaps throughout our house are a reminder to me of how much there always is to do. This week I hope to get rid of most if not all of them! This time of year seems especially stressfull in the list of things to do.
There are professional certifications I must fulfull, homeschool records to obtain and send off, meetings to plan and CSTHEA business, not to mention the tough newsletter editor breathing down my neck to finish my editorial each month!
I have been much aware lately of home atmosphere. I have been longing to somehow create within these walls a haven for my children, a place where they know they are loved and accepted, a place they love to be. We live rather far away from close friends or family so there really is not any place else they can go — they are kind of stuck here with us for now!
But I do not want their time at home to be like a prison sentence, as if our children are in captivity. As they grow older, I am becoming cognizant that their time with us is limited.
One of my greatest fears is that they will be looking too much forward to leaving home, that they will look back on their childhood years and see a mom who was too tired and too harried to have made any kind of a haven. Will my children be ones who can’t wait to leave home with all of its chaos and disagreement? When they were younger it seemed easier to create the atmosphere I longed for. My children were home more instead of scattered in various classes and in their own little worlds of their different interests.
We used to have lovely teatimes together, we read aloud much more. We took walks and did activities together. Surely there are certain actions I can take, certain changes I can make for this season of our lives together to make our family times sweeter, to create lasting memories.
Two books are inspiring me in this quest. One is For the Family’s Sake, by Susan Shaeffer Macaulay. This is a sort of follow up to For the Children’s Sake, a foundational book on home education. The subtitle of this book is The Value of Home in Everyone’s Life. In this book Susan outlines the importance of home for every family member. In her usual chatty style she does not condemn nor does she hold out too high of a standard. I heard Susan speak once in Nashville many years ago. When I read her words I hear her comforting voice which exudes helpfulness. She is a come-alongside-you type of person. In For the Family’s Sake she reminds us that husbands and wives are not alone in this home-building endeavor.
“The securing cord (in the cord of strands in Ecc. 4: 12) is Jesus … None of us is able to be or do enough in relationship with each other. We have failures too. We are sinners, not yet perfected. Often the needs of a home and our lives become overwhelming. It is pretty horrible to become overwhelmed. That is why the two strands (husband and wife) are reinforced with the third gold-like fiber. Knowing Jesus’ promises and asking for His help are part of the securing strength. So is the obedience to God’s instructions. Christians can enjoy God’s comfort, strength, and guidelines if they ask and listen.”
Susan talks about a home that is not perfect but is “a good enough, pleasant enough place to put up my feet and thank God. When we walk in through the door, we are surrounded by an atmosphere. Althought we see the ‘bricks and mortar’ first, a home is really made up of the people in it. They either give it an atmosphere of love, joy and peace or fear, loneliness, sorrow and anger.”
The other inspiration to create a real home in one’s house comes from Sally Clarkson in her book Mission of Motherhood which I have quoted from before and highly recommend. In the chapter titled “Keeper of the Domain,” Sally describes several different Christian homes from humble Polish dwellings to sumptious American digs.
“What was the commom denominator in these homes? It was the woman’s committment to make her home consistently welcoming, comfortable, and life giving. Each home was directed by the dreams of the mom, and her willingness to flesh it out everyday helped her household to run as smoothly as possible. … It is a commitment of heart, mind, and soul to the task of subduing (making productive) a very specific part of the earth — the domain of the home. It involves teaching minds and nurturing hearts and shaping souls in addition to getting the rugs vacuumed and dinner on the table.”
In the end of this chapter, Sally comes to the crux of the matter“I realized again that the ultimate key to providing a nurturing environment in my home is me. The physical surroundings can make a big difference. In the end, though, what my children and husband need most from me is not a perfect home or perfect training or a perfectly spiritual role model or a wife without faults — but a mother and wife who is committed to doing whatever it takes to love them and make a home for them. They need to know that they are cherished by someone who is a champion for their cause, a cheerleader for their lives — someone they can always count on in the light and dark times of life. ... My attitude is ultimately what makes our house a peaceful haven. And because I can only accomplish this by leaning on the Lord, it is my relationship with Him that ultimately will provide a nurturing environment for the people I love.”
Easter is always a reminder that there are fresh mercies, that darkness can not overcome the light, that our Savior has risen triumphant over the grave. We are not to lightly dismiss our failures, but we are always to take heart and have hope. Our heavenly Father wants us to be successful at homemaking even more than we do.
He whispers to us in our distress this is the way, walk in it. My own relationship with God can inspire me to make some changes, to take small steps to stengthen those family bonds. I can have tea parties with the younger ones at home. I can start a once a month family game night. I can e-mail my busy older children encouraging notes.
These are concrete ways to cheer my husband and children on. May God show each of you the steps you might take and may we come a little closer to creating a bit of heaven right here on earth for those we love.
— JMT
