Import of Social Graces
This month our theme is manners. I have recently been somewhat chagrined to find out that my children do not automatically acquire these. In the careful planning of lessons on math, reading, history or grammar, I have neglected the teaching of etiquette and now that some of my children are no longer at that cute stage when much is forgiven, I realize that they are somewhat lacking in simple manners.
Of course the solution must be in a book!
People who know me think I am well read when actually, I have acquired many volumes and know much about books but actually do very little reading these days compared to my life as a single gal. So I am very grateful for the responsibility of this editorial space and how it motivates me to share new things with the Esprit readers. To share, I have to actually read new things. so I am reading more and am grateful for the prod.
The book I would like to introduce this month is “Protocol Matters,” by Sandra Boswell. It is published by Canon Press and at the Web site www.canonpress. org, one can download and read the table of contents, intro and the first chapter. When I did this, I was convinced that I had to get the book and decided to work it into our boys co-op this year.
However when I sat down and read it, I realized that training in manners had to be much more than just a twice a month co-op lesson. So I am determined to institute new practices at our family table and in our dealing with each other. As I write this, my children are as of yet blissfully unaware of the coming changes.
Acquiring good manners is so much more than just being able to be proud of your children in public places although that too is important. As Mrs. Bosworth explains,
“Christian protocol is one of God’s lovely means of grace. We all need much help in learning how to behave graciously towards one another, and protocol provides a simple means to that end — rules that demonstrate respect, kindness and brotherly love ... It is a system of orderly codes that aid the development of social character and culture. It establishes behavioral habits by which we treat others with honor, deference, consideration and kindness. Its Christian content provides glimpses of Christ’s example to strangers and brothers alike.”
Now doesn’t that sound like a a recipe for a more peaceful home? OK, OK, I know it is not going to be easy, nor is it a simple paint-bynumbers exercise. But I long for things to be a bit less hectic and I think my children do as well. Most of my children are old enough to appreciate how good manners can open doors for you (forgive the pun), that there is a definite benefit for them personally, that it is not just another way I am trying to make their lives more complicated. I think I can take them into my confidence about how I have neglected this area and what the consequences have been.
My sons are an especial challenge but I know they want to be respected and taken seriously and not be embarrassed. So I think they may be open to humoring me in this endeavor.
In addition to more gracious living, manners provide character training in self-control, humility and thoughtfulness. Sandra Bosworth describes good training as “practical, providing our children with a working knowledge of how the Christian wordview applies to social actions, relationships, and culture ... Protocol teaches us how to anticipate the needs of others and mke them feel respected, comfortable and cared for ... It is a primary step in learning how to be faithful in real, daily actions.”
I do not know about you all, but certain of my children are needing all the help they can get in demonstrating self-control, humility and thoughtfulness. The idea of instilling habits which exercise these character traits is one well worth the expected inconvenience and potential complaints from the peanut gallery!
In Part 2 of Protocol Matters, Mrs. Bosworth has a section on teaching protocol in the home and another section for teaching in a school or classroom setting. The chapter on teaching is the home is full of practical ways to assist your children in respectful speech, including addressing others, making requests, apologizing, phone protocol and interruptions.
There are also training tips on how and when to write thank you letters, behavior at parties and a list of miscellaneous manners. The last part of this chapter is on table manners at home and for dining out. One charming example of how a parent can diffuse a potential upset is how one might respond to an accidental spill. Mrs. Bosworth stresses the need for maintaining a happy atmosphere so instead of getting all upset, a parent can say with a smile “What’s the best thing about a mess?” To which the children have learned to gratefully reply, “It can always be cleaned up!” The next chapter outlines all the steps one must take to organize a protocol class in a school setting although these classes could be implemented in a homeschool co-op setting and certainly in a separate class should one be enterprising enough to take that on.
Please let us know if you do.
Part 3 of the book outlines the protocol training topics. Here you will find an chapter with extensive notes on table manners including entertaining examples from history, and other illustrations to help the teacher.
This chapter also has extensive notes on table settings and food, from casual to formal as well as a detailed section on restaurant dining. The second topic, social navigational skills, deals with conversations and introductions. The third topic or class, the right moves, includes protocol for escorts, toasts, handshakes and good posture. Guidelines are given for home, restaurant, vehicle and concert settings. The last topic of the protocol curriculum is public appearance. This chapter addresses personal grooming and proper dress for all sorts of occasions. This section includes all sorts of useful instructions from how to tie various ties to how to dress for a job interview.
The last chapter of the book is a series of helpful essays on manners by other authors. One which I found especially pertinent was one by Doug Wilson, “Manners for Boys.” Here Pastor Wilson explains the difference between a well mannered boy and a sissy. As Pastor Wilson says, “true masculinity needs manners.”
Alrighty, I hope you do not see this month’s editorial as something else to do. Believe me, I am again feeling as if I am living under the piles with far too much to do. However I believe that the implementation of manners does not have to be burdensome. There are many helpful articles and resources on the Web and at your library.
I plan to start with very small changes, one or perhaps two behaviors at a time. Attending holiday productions at the theater is another way to introduce etiquette. Let’s be optimistic — I am hoping that my children will be so transformed that my parents will wonder what alien has invaded their bodies at our holiday dinners!
Sigh — a mom can dream.
Happy family times to you and yours!
—JMT