Chore Challenged
In our household, cleaning often gets done in crisis mode. In other words when company is coming we whirlwind clean, the activity often accompanied by some shouting and much frustration.
This is not my ideal.
If only I could organize a chore system in which the house stays in a decent order for most of the time.
One of my goals this summer was to come up with just such a system. It involved charts, magnets and lists. This system would enable me with a single glance to know which chores had been done by which child and at which time. I had such high hopes but alas could not get my ideas to gel into reality.
One of my motivations for coming up with a system like this is the realization that messy rooms are one of my triggers. It leads to low-level depression, high-level irritability and an even higher decibel level of my voice! How to avoid this situation is the big challenge.
As we approach the holiday time of year when things get even busier, friends and family visit, and there is extra opportunity for messes, the search for a good chore system takes on even more urgency.
So last month I heard about a new book by Steve and Teri Maxwell of “Managers of Their Home” fame.
Let me say that while I so appreciated the wisdom of that book, scheduling our day in 30 minute increments just did not work for me.
However another book by the Maxwells, “Homeschooling With a Meek and Quiet Spirit,” is a continual blessing to me and immensely practical and encouraging. So the new book by Steve and Teri had my name all over it: “Managers of Their Chores” (www.titus2. com).
I ordered it from their website the day I spotted it and will share with y’all what I have learned and am learning. Hopefully the application will be forthcoming!
Here I must make a little confession. Although I have many worthy and inspirational books in the basket next to my bed, I have not read many of them. I am using these editorial pages to motivate me to actually read some of these books so I can write some reviews that hopefully will help you all as well.
One of the first points in the book is the biblical basis for chores.
Even before the fall, Adam was commanded to keep the garden. This was his purpose, given by God and it was work. Jesus took on the form of a servant (Phil. 2:7). Furthermore He instructed His disciples and all those who would follow Him to do the same. As the Maxwells put it, “He commands us to a life of serving others, and what better place to learn to work and serve than in the home? Dad and Mom get to be the examples of serving others, and one way the children learn to serve is through their chores.”
As parents, we are to train our children. As homeschool moms and dads, we teach our children their “book learning.” But even more important are those life lessons that God has given us. Part of our obedience is instructing our children in selfless service both by modeling it and by giving them an opportunity to practice it. God promises to reward such service with greater faith.
“This is the real benefit, the creme de la creme of chores. Chores are much more than Mom getting extra help around the house, even though that could be sufficient motivation for a chore emphasis in the home. Helping our children adopt a heart for serving should have a tremendous impact on their spiritual walk with Christ.”
The Maxwells suggest that this idea of labor, and hard work, of selfless service is a foreign one to our culture today. It also goes against the grain of our sinful natures. But it is something we must fight to build into our family life.
“God has called us to work, and we must train our children to welcome work as well. Slothfulness will bring about ruin in a person’s life. Will we bear the responsibility for allowing slothfulness in our children’s lives? Or will we teach them to be servants, embracing chores and work?”
There is one entire chapter on the lifetime benefits of chores and another chapter on the benefits to your children right now. Lifetime benefits include contributing to the child’s happiness, helping the entire body of Christ, building character such as responsibility, diligence, endurance, thoroughness, stewardship of time and possessions, development of work ethic, stronger foundation for marriage and parenthood and an opportunity to die to self.
The here and now benefits include the promise of God’s blessing for obedience, the sense of being needed by the family, making the home more productive, hospitable and attractive, teaching children how to manage their time and giving occasion for building relationships among siblings as chores are done together and cooperatively.
Another section written by Steve is addressed to dads and challenges them to take an active role in implementing and executing a chore system.
One especially valuable and all too applicable portion of the book deals with Mom’s attitude. If Mom is harsh, it will definitely affect children’s chores. If the mother is owning up to her responsibilities as the manager of her home, then the children’s chores will more naturally fall into place. When mom puts on Christ’s yoke (her rightful duties), He promises to give rest for her soul.
Mom also needs to be willing teacher to her children in this matter of chores. Even thought it may often seem easier and quicker to do the chore herself, mom must see the long term fruit of training in the task associated with the assigned chores. “I want my children prepared for their futures. Therefore, I will take the time and invest the needed energy to teach them how to do chores, inspect what they do, and give them praise or consequences as necessary.”
In additition, if mom carries out her own housework with cheerfulness and a willing spirit, her children will be more likely to reflect this in their own work. Still another attitude mom should exhibit to encourage her children is the “S” word — submission. Yes, that is right, once again that pesky instruction to respect your husband plays a part in how your children respond to chores. Just kidding about the pesky part although it is so much goes against the grain to be a godly submissive wife! But seriously Teri’s words here cut to the quick.
“If a wife does not honor her husband and submit to him with a sweet spirit, then we can expect the children not to have good attitudes toward their mother. It is also likely the children will have problems being obedient to their mom. . . Does she always have a better idea? Does she think it is her job to remind her husband of something she feels is important that he might forget? Does she correct her husband? If her husband asks her to do something, is she happy to comply, or does she make an excuse as to why it won’t work?
“. . . As women, we tend to struggle with thinking our ideas and ways are best, which naturally leads to a lack of respect toward our husbands. Be warned: this will come through to your children. You will see, mirrored in their behavior toward you, your behaviour toward your husband.”
Ouch!
That is a bit too convicting for comfort!
Other points made in this section are the importance of consistency, balanced standards, an empathy with the child’s nature and the pitfalls of perfectionism. This latter is not one of my afflictions, but one can see that a perfectionist mom will tend to do more than is needed and set standards too high for her children.
I hope to finish this review in next month’s editorial page unless providentially hindered. I may by then have time and opportunity to actually start to implement a chore system as described by the Maxwells. If I do, you all will hear about it. But, based on my life these days, it might be better not to hold your breath. On the other hand I am certainly convinced that such a system would truly benefit our family and I will certainly be making it a matter of prayer. With God all things are possible — even to this chore challenged mom! Stay tuned.
—JMT
Blogger focuses on chores
From Lori Seaborg on an e-mail list: About a year ago, I wrote a series of posts about chores on my blog. I’ve gotten a lot of positive responses from the lists, so thought I’d post the links for you, too. A lot of times, we don’t realize how much a child can do with chores! We’re a super duper relaxed family, so our children are by no means doing chores all the time! But I do feel that it is important to teach them how to do different types of chores so their adult life will be all the easier with the knowledge they’ve been given.
- Chores: You’re Not Doing Them All By Yourself, Are You? homeschoolblogger.com/KeepingtheHome/1054
- Chores: What 1-2 Year Old Walkers Can Do www.homeschoolblogger.com/KeepingtheHome/1053/
- Chores: What 3-5 Year Olds Can Do www.homeschoolblogger.com/KeepingtheHome/1052/
- Chores: What Elementary Age Kids Can Do www.homeschoolblogger.com/KeepingtheHome/1051/
- Lori Seaborg www.homeschoolblogger.com/KeepingtheHome
